Sherlock Plays Cluedo
by FromMyFingertips
Summary: A storm is raging through London and the lights have gone out. There's only one thing left to do. Light some candles and play Cluedo.


John sat in his armchair reading the newspaper while Sherlock tapped his fingers against the arm rest incessantly which was a sure sign that he was bored.

"Anything interesting?" Sherlock asked trying to make small talk.

"Just searching the obits for anything you might like. So far I've just come across two elderly people who died of natural causes and one dead dog."

"A dog? Who puts an obit in the paper for their dog?"

"Beats me." Just then a loud clap of thunder came from outside and the lights began to flicker. "This storm is one of the worst we've had all year." As he said that another loud bang and then total darkness. "Oh Christ. Sherlock where are the flashlights?"

"We don't have any I broke them all."

"What in God's name were you doing with them? Bashing people's heads in?"

"Exactly."

John rolled his eyes and tried his best to make it around the flat without killing himself. "Honestly you're going to have to stop with these experiments." He found a candle sitting on the kitchen table and grabbed the matches from the cupboard.

"What are you doing?"

John lit the match. "I'm lighting a candle. Do you mind?" Sherlock groaned as the flat became slightly illuminated. "It's clean linen scent. Your favorite." He picked up the candle and carried it back into the living room setting it down on one of the end tables. "Do we have anymore?"

Sherlock closed his eyes seeming to be deep in thought. "There's some in the bedroom. Vanilla scented not particularly pleasant smelling in my opinion."

John retreated into the bedroom and came back with a small arsenal of vanilla scented candles. "If you don't like it why do you buy so many?"

"I don't. Lestrade gives them to me every year as a token of his appreciation. I'm too nice to tell him to fuck off."

"Sherlock!" The two men stared at each other and John started to smile. "I do love it when you curse."

"Ugh. Not now John I'm not in the mood."

John frowned and lit a few more candles causing the flat to smell utterly ridiculous. "What do we do now? We could play chess…"

"Boring."

"Monopoly?"

"Paper money is boring."

He knew there was only one game left in the closet next to the kitchen and he wasn't even going to mention it. "Right well then we'll just sit here."

"You forgot to bring up Cluedo."

"Because there is no fucking way I am ever playing Cluedo with you again."

"Oh come on what else do we have to do?" Sherlock got up and stepped over John making his way to the closet. "Besides I'll follow the rules this time. I promise." He reached up and removed Cluedo from the top shelf before setting it up on the coffee table. He began to sift through the playing pieces which annoyed John greatly for he simply wanted to get this game over with.

"What are you doing?"

Sherlock continued to sift through the pawns. "Where is Professor Plum?"

John sighed. "You're always Professor Plum."

"Because he's the smartest one out of the lot and I'm the smartest one here so I get to be Professor Plum."

"Well what if I want to be Professor Plum?"

Sherlock raised his eyes to John and stared at him. "Don't be ridiculous."

John then flashed the purple plastic pawn he had been holding onto so tightly. "I'm Professor Plum."

"Give that back! You can be someone else like Mrs. Peacock."

"I'M PROFESSOR PLUM!" John shouted in an angry tone of voice before he slowly placed his piece at the start. "You can be…Colonel Mustard."

"But I fucking hate Colonel Mustard!"

"Why Sherlock? What is your beef with Colonel Mustard?"

"Why are we bringing sandwich meat into this?"

"Just…you're Colonel Fucking Mustard and that's the end of it!" John picked up the yellow game piece and threw it at Sherlock hitting him square in the forehead.

Sherlock angrily slammed his game piece onto the board. "This is war."

"Bring it on!" John said swaying his neck back and forth tauntingly.

"MRS. WHITE IN THE KITCHEN WITH A KNIFE! HA! SOLVED IT!"

John scrunched his face in confusing. "What the hell was that?"

"IT WAS THE RIGHT ANSWER!"

"Sherlock you always blame Mrs. White."

"Because she's always guilty!"

"Why? She's an old bat she couldn't hurt a fly."

"Those are the worst ones. The old woman who can't stand her husband of 40 years so she kills him in the middle of the night and no one suspects her because they expect her to be old and feeble."

"She's the maid."

"Even worse!"

"Just shut up, roll the dice, and take your turn!" Sherlock did as he was told and moved his pawn 3 spaces. John then rolled a six and entered into the Conservatory. He looked at his cards and then looked at Sherlock who was waiting anxiously. "Miss Scarlet, with the revolver, in the conservatory." Sherlock just sat there gazing directly at him almost as if he didn't hear him. "Well do you have any of those?"

"I do, but I'm debating on whether or not I want to show them to you."

"You have to show them to me."

"No I don't."

"It's in the rules."

"Screw the rules. The rules are wrong."

"SHERLOCK!"

"FINE!" He pulled out a card and shoved it into John's face. "HERE! HAVE THAT LITTLE TART MISS SCARLET! I NEVER LIKED HER ANYWAYS!"

John peeled the card from his face and looked at it marking her off of his list. "Oh I don't know. She's rather dishy."

"Don't hit on Miss Scarlet."

"I wasn't hitting on her!"

"You just said she was dishy! That's a compliment not an insult!"

"She isn't real Sherlock!"

"And how come you get to guess?"

"What?"

"That's not fair." He then picked up his piece and threw it into the ballroom. "Myself, with the wrench, in the ballroom."

"You can't just go into any room you want! You have to roll the dice and go through the door!"

"I'm a ninja I can teleport myself."

"There are no ninja's in Cluedo!"

"Of course there are. There is no possible way one person could have killed all these people unless he was a ninja. It's just impossible."

"You're serious aren't you?" Just then the lights came on and John threw his arms up in excitement. "THANK GOD THAT'S OVER WITH!" and then they went out again. "OH COME ON!"

"Myself, with the wrench, in the ballroom!"

John sighed not wanting to argue anymore with the detective who clearly didn't understand the rules of the game. "Here, here's your damn self!"

"I did it."

"Did what?"

"I murdered everyone."

"You can't have murdered everyone your card is right here!"

"First I teleported into the kitchen where Mrs. White was busy cooking a nice juicy roast duck…"

"YOU'RE NOT A NINJA!"

"She had been having an affair with my father and that angered me greatly so I hit her over the head with a candlestick." John slammed his head down on the table near tears and Sherlock rambled on. "Than I went into the ballroom, there was a dance that night, Reverend Green was there and he had earlier refused my affections for him…"

John threw his head up. "Affections?"

"Yes I like Reverend Green. Don't you?"

"So I can't call Miss Scarlet dishy, but you can be affectionate towards Reverend Green."

"Moving on. I was so angry and jealous at seeing him dancing with Mrs. Peacock that I shot them both!"

"Christ."

"Wait there's more."

"Yay." John said in a very unenthusiastic tone.

"Than I slipped into the conservatory where Miss Scarlet was sitting reading her book and for no reason I just whacked her off with a wrench. Probably because earlier on in the day she was flirting with you."

"What about Professor Plum?"

"He's my father."

"Right of course."

"Makes sense we both share the same high intellect. I was so mad at him for having an affair with Mrs. White that I stabbed him right through the heart with a dagger! So you see clearly I committed all the crimes. Not a room in the house was untouched by my murderous rampage. There was blood everywhere it was very sad."

"Are we done?"

"I'd say so." The lights came on again and this time it seemed they would stay on for good. The rain had begun to let up and their Cluedo game was all but finished. "That was fun."

"For who?" John said scowling and he began to drop the pieces back into the box.

"I can make it up to you."

John smirked devilishly. "The bedroom?"

Sherlock grabbed his hand and hoisted him up off of the floor throwing him over his shoulder sending John into giggle fits. "This time…I'm on top."

"Yes sir."


End file.
